“If we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8

by: Kerri Young

When my oldest was about three years old and still my only child I was asked to speak at a local MOPS group. After much prayer and consideration I landed upon a talk on the power of positive parenting. I focused on the fact that I want my children to remember me smiling when they mess up, loving them through the frustration and modeling the joy of Christ rather than grumbling and complaining when things go wrong. It was a good talk; I think. =) But as a mother of three now, I can see that though I meant well and all the things are great and true and I hope the Lord used something of what I said to encourage at least one person who was listening, I had so much to learn about parenting with grace. (And I still do.)

When I gave that talk, I’m not sure I had ever raised my voice at my daughter. She had never thrown a temper tantrum (she started talking in clear sentences at 17 months; tantrums were never necessary because she could communicate her desires clearly). I’m pretty sure she had yet to roll her eyes at me in the sassy way she does now or walk away from me while I was giving her instructions. She was the first and life revolved around her. She got all my attention so she didn’t need to roll her eyes at me and I didn’t need to raise my voice to get her attention. We were connected at the hip. And then number two came along.

I tried really hard to not lose my patience with my sweet girl after being up half the night with her newborn baby brother, but all of the sudden she had an opinion and a will of her own that did not include taking a nap or being quiet so brother could do so. She was still an angel, as much as she could have been after being dethroned from a seat she had held for almost three and a half years. But, she’s human. I was quickly reminded I am, too. And let’s not even begin to talk about how life changed when number three came into our world a little over a year ago. Combine that with a newfound sass and attitude picked up from friends in school and you have the perfect cocktail for mommy/daughter battles.

One morning recently we were sitting at the kitchen table attempting to start the day with time in the Word and prayer, and she kept kicking my foot gently while I was trying to read. It really wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was bothering me and she knew it, so she kept doing it. I asked her to stop. And then I had to ask again. I asked nicely, at first.  But when she kicked me again, I lost my cool. And I raised my voice. Because we’ve had this power struggle more than once this Fall, this morning I’d just had enough. All while trying to teach my kids the importance of starting the day out right. Oh, the irony.

Hello, my name is Kerri, and I am a hypocrite. Yes, that’s right. I said it: the big h-word that Christians get accused of being all the time. Well, rightly so. Because we are…every single one of us. Even John says so:

“If we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8

However, the longer I’m alive and especially the longer I parent and am faced with my imperfections and weaknesses, the more I realize that this is the beauty of Christianity. The next verse offers hope:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

We are hypocrites, but the power of grace is that it does not matter how many mistakes I have made or continue to make, Jesus died on the Cross and when I confessed Him as Lord of my life and asked for forgiveness of my sins, all my junk was taken away. He washes me clean. He did it once and for all, and He does it every day when I mess up again and turn to Him in repentance.

I serve a God who loves me no matter what because when He looks at me He sees Christ in me; and Christ is perfect. He doesn’t focus on me losing my temper with my kiddos over the same silly things each day. He doesn’t focus on me choosing idleness over action. He doesn’t focus on the grumbling and complaining in my heart because things don’t go my way. Of course He is saddened by all these things and desires for me to come to Him in repentance. But He does not ever hold these things against me, because Jesus already paid the price for my sin. Hallelujah!  (If you have never experienced this grace and forgiveness or come to a place where you have submitted your life to Christ and you are interested in learning more, please go here.)

So, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps the most important job I might have as a parent is not to be positive all the time (because to attempt that would be to attempt the impossible and I would most certainly fail), but to let my kiddos see my repentant heart and seek their forgiveness (as well as the Lord’s) as soon as I realize I have wronged them or someone else.  Instead of focusing on teaching them to be “good” and be “bright, shiny little people” all the time by doing all the right things, I need to point them to the unconditional, sacrificial, atoning love of Christ that covers ALL… because they can’t and won’t be good all the time.

They will be hypocrites, too.

I need to teach them that they, too, are sinful and in need of grace. That’s not a license or an excuse to sin. But it’s recognition of our desperate need for a Savior and the realization that it’s only through the supernatural empowerment of the Holy Spirit that they or I can be who Christ wants us to be.

My prayer for all of us today is that we would walk in grace and submission to the Holy Spirit, and that through that submission we would be empowered to parent our children in a way that points them to the truth and the freedom of the Cross.

Be encouraged, friend: “…there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus….” (Romans 8:1)